I can't love you
by Trey Racer
Summary: Yoh feels heartbroken after Anna's breakup with him, but after a tragic accident, will Anna come back to him? HaoAnna YohAnna
1. Pain

**Chapter 1: Pain **

Yoh looked longingly at the couple sitting at the park bench.

Anna Kyouyama and Hao Asakura. What a wonderful couple.

But seeing them like that was too much to bear. Anna was the only one he loved his whole life, but now, there she is, sitting beside his older brother. Hands laced together, lips locked, bodies close.

He couldn't take it anymore. He dragged himself out of the park and headed home.

He's been living alone for quite some time now, for his ex-fiancée Anna had moved into a house far from where the onsen was. Hao, on the other hand, moved in with her a week ago.

CLUNK!

Yoh kicked a can on his way. Who was he kidding? Anna never had feelings for him, the only reason she stayed was because she was arranged to marry him, but she broke the engagement after the tournament, seeing as she had no more purpose in the onsen. That was six months ago, on his seventeenth birthday. He could still feel the pain inside; the emotional scars within him ached as he remembered.

**Flashback six months ago**

"Anna!"  
"I'm sorry Yoh, but I have to go. I only came here to train you, and now that the tournament's over, I've got no purpose, I've told Master Kino…I broke our engagement." She said coldly.

Yoh tried to fight back the tears that formed in his eyes.

"W-why?" He stuttered, trying to keep his voice steady. Anna sighed.

"Master Kino once told me that if no feelings develop within 4 years of us staying together, we can break it…"

Yoh felt his heart ache and his vision blur as unshed tears welled in his eyes.

"Anna…"  
"Yoh, for the last time, I am leaving. I don't love you, you don't either, so might as well leave, nothing will happen, anyway." She said, not turning back.

Tears slid down Yoh's cheeks as he clutched the small red box he had been holding all this time.

"But Anna…I…I lo-"

She slammed the door in his face.

"I love you…" He sank down as he dropped the velvet box.

**End of flashback**

Yoh felt a tear slide down his cheek as entered his empty house.

How he remembered that day, the pain he had to endure.

He was going to propose to her, but she left. She heartlessly left him alone.

On his birthday.

Yoh clenched his fist, creasing the fabric he was holding.

A crimson bandanna.

Anna's bandana. For the past six months he held onto it as if it were his security blanket. She left it behind, and he found it jammed in the couch.

He gave a sigh as he dragged his feet to Anna's room.

There, on the floor, was a futon, lying as if it were waiting for someone to sleep on it. Even though Anna had left, he still kept her room as it was before, silently hoping for its owner to return.

Sighing, he slowly closed the door shut and slowly trudged to his room.

Opening the door, his eyes fell on a red velvet box lying on the table.

"I don't love you"

He felt a surge of pain as he remembered those cruel words.

Words that were torturing him to no end.

He took a knife out of his drawer, holding it against his wrist. Trembling, he incised his wrist lightly. He wanted to die. It bled slightly. He didn't even notice the physical pain he inflicted on him, he was too emotionally pained to even feel. He slid it again, this time deeper than the first. His face filled with tears as he watched the blood seep out of his wound. Slowly killing him. A few more cuts and he will finally be released from the hell that his life became when she left him.

Tamao hummed happily as she walked down the street, clutching a small bag.   
Opening the gate, she silently made her way inside the onsen.

"Yoh?" She called softly, walking through the hall.

No reply.

"Yoh, where are you?" She asked again, making her way upstairs, to his room.

She reached her hand to open the door, but something made her stop.

"Anna…" Yoh's sad voice said.

Tamao felt a chill up her spine, unexplainable fear creeping up her body.

Hesitantly, she opened the door, and was greeted by a bleeding Yoh, still clutching the blood-stained knife in his trembling hands, prepared to make another cut.

"YOH!" She screamed, rushing to his side. He gave her a painful smile, as if saying goodbye.

"Yoh, please…" She took the knife and threw it aside. Mixed emotions were taking over her: fear, love, pity, sadness, shock, sorrow, panic.

"I've got nothing left to live for…might as well leave me dying."

Tamao tried to fight back the tears that formed in her eyes, taking a handkerchief and making a makeshift bandage, wrapping his incised wrist. Yoh looked at her with a blank expression.

"Tam…why…why are you doing this? I've got nothing to live for...please…" He stopped as he felt a tear on his hand. Tamao was crying. "Please…don't…" She sobbed.

Yoh looked at her, his eyesight blurring due to the unshed tears still in his eyes.

"Why…why can't she love me back?" Tamao lifted her head and looked at him straight in the face with her tear stained one.

"It's not fair…why did she have to leave? Why didn't she love me back? Tam…why…why?"

She embraced him, resting her head on his shoulder. She patted his back soothingly, which seemed to calm him down.. Yoh buried his head in her shoulder.

"Yoh…everything is unfair…please, you need to move on…forget…please, it pains me to see you like this." She whispered softly.

He lifted his head slightly.

"Tam…help me forget…"

Tamao's eyes widened at his response.

"Goodnight, Hao." Anna gave her boyfriend a kiss, heading to her room.

"G'night, Anna." He watched her enter her room, and turned his back when she closed the door, heading to his own room.

Anna smiled as she closed her door.

Hao-her Hao. She simply loved him more than anything, and she knows that he feels the same.

But seeing his face also pained her, it reminded her of someone whom she recently left behind.

"Yoh…"

Tamao laid in the futon, her blanket modestly covering her bare skin. She shifted her gaze to the sleeping figure beside her.

Yoh slept peacefully, his tousled brown hair untidily covering part of his face.

She slowly closed her eyes, hoping to catch some sleep.

**-Tam's POV-**

I've loved him all these years, and even though it's just for tonight, I'm happy that he returned my affection, even for a short while.

And then the voices in my head would speak at their own will.

_What are you saying, Tamao? You're fooling yourself!_

_Yeah, he didn't love you, you're just a tool! A tool to help him forget!  
You know all he loves is Anna, not you!_

_You delusional girl! He doesn't even love you!_

Please…stop….

_He never loved you, that is the truth!  
He never returned your feelings!_

_Yeah!_

Please…stop….

**-End of Tamao's POV-**

"Please! Stop!" She sat up. Her face was covered in sweat.

Guilt was slowly consuming her. Cupping her forehead, she took a robe and dressed herself, heading to the bathroom.


	2. Regret

**Chapter 2: Regret**

Hao silently teleported to a nearby cave, his spirit beside him all the while. He sadly looked at the flames emitting from a small shrine. It was getting smaller, and Hao could feel himself weakening.

Yes, those flames symbolize Hao's life. Once it gets extinguished, he will die.

Or course, this is a special fire than can never be extinguished by physical means, and only by spiritual means. He sadly looked at the fire. At this rate, he only had a week to live.

"Might as well make the best out of it." He said silently, and in a split-second, he was back in his room. Anna doesn't know about his life coming to an end, and he knew it would pain her if he told her, but it might hurt her more if he told him when it was too late.

"I'll tell her tomorrow."

The sun's soft rays poked in the glass windows of Yoh's room.

He stirred, opening his eyes.

"Tam?" Was all he can say, noticing the absence of the girl beside him. He grabbed his yukata, heading downstairs, still looking for the girl.

"Tam?"

His eyes fell on piece of neatly folded paper lying on the table. It said "Yoh".

Yoh picked it up and slowly unfolded it.

It said:

Yoh,

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to…but please, I didn't mean to hurt you.

I knew from the start it was wrong…but I proceeded…by the time you read this letter I might already be in Aomori. Just promise me that you'll find another girl to love…Anna isn't the only one…please, it pains me to see you like that. I hope for all the best.

Tam

Yoh gave a sigh as he put down the note. "I can't believe what I just did…I hurt her…Tam…" He looked at his wrist, which was still wrapped in her handkerchief.

Anna rubbed her eyes, making her way to the dining room. Surprisingly, Hao was there, with some food items on the table.  
"Morning, Anna." He greeted her happily, setting down his apron on the nearby chair.Anna gave a small smile as she sat down her chair.

"Honestly, what has gotten into you lately?"

"Nothing, it's just…well, just eat, Anna."

Anna did as she was told and picked up her bowl. Several minutes later, Hao sat and followed suit. The room was filled with silence until…

"Anna…."  
"Hm?"  
"Whatever you do, please take care of yourself, okay?" Hao tried to keep a steady face."What are you talking about, Hao?"  
"Anna, please, just listen, okay?"  
"I…" He started, trying to hold back his pain. "I…Anna…I'm dying."  
Anna dropped what she was holding and stared at Hao, her eyes brimmed with tears.

She forced a smile as the tears ran down her cheeks.

"Hao…w-what kind of j-joke is this? Whatever it is…it-it's not funny."  
"I wish I was joking." He said, looking away.

Anna ran from the room heading to the bathroom. Her tear-stained face half covered with her blonde hair. Hao ran and stopped her halfway, forcefully tugging on her arm and catching her in an embrace.

"Anna…I wish I could've told you sooner…but I've procrastinated….Anna…I'll make the most out of the few days remaining in my life…I love you, Anna." He said, burying his head in her hair.  
"Ha…Hao…I feel the same for you…" She sobbed, wrapping her thin arms around him.

Yoh slowly made his way outside, walking towards the park.

Ever since Anna left him, he took long walks in the park, watching the serene world. The days when the gang used to go in this place together seemed like yesterday, even though 4 years had passed since then.

He felt a familiar presence behind him.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I need your help."  
Yoh let out a sarcastic laugh.  
"Help? That's new." He said, not turning around.

"Yoh, Anna…"

"I don't give a damn about you or Anna. I've stopped caring half a year ago, what makes you think I'll care?" He said coldly, unleashing a cold, unfeeling side of him he never knew existed until now.

"Yoh, I need you to take care of Anna for me once I'm gone."  
"Hmp. You can always return to life. Besides, haven't I made myself clear? I don't care."  
"I understand." Hao said in defeat, bursting into flames.

"What are we doing here again?" Ren asked the azure-haired girl impatiently, scowling.  
"Onii-chan got us an apartment here in Funbari, and I want to visit Yoh and Anna." She said, heading towards the En inn.  
"Hm…I guess they're not here. It's locked."  
"That's weird. They don't leave much when we were here." Ren said, looking at the gate.  
"Hm…but maybe things have changed. It's been four years, after all." Pilica said thoughtfully. "How about we take a walk around the city for awhile?" She said, tugging on Ren's arm.

Anna led Hao outside the apartment, trying to forget the fact that he'll be gone soon, and walked towards the city.

Yoh walked around, not minding nor knowing where he was heading. He just walked.  
He was so occupied with his thoughts that he subconsciously crossed the road, not noticing the trailer truck heading straight for him.

"YOH!"  
Yoh turned around to see, but it was too late.

SCREEEECH! CRASH!

Screeching tires, screaming people, and the sound of a brunette landing in the middle of the street. Yoh couldn't believe what he just witnessed.

**---Flashback---**

"Yoh!"  
Yoh turned around, and was pushed by a long haired brunette, which caused him to land on his side. He watched in horror as his savior was hit by the truck and landed on the pavement with a thud. The truck came to an abrupt halt and the driver ran off.

**---End of Flashback---**

His stomach lurched. He knew who it was.

"Hao, please…hold on…" Anna sobbed, holding his bloody hand. Hao gave her a small smile and wiped off the tears on her cheek.  
"Don't cry, Anna…"

Anna took her cell phone with trembling hands and called an ambulance.

Yoh stared wide-eyed at his savior, who lay in the arms of a blonde girl he knew so well.

From his sides he could hear the whispering crowd.

"Oh, my, he was handsome…"

"You think he's alright?"

He slowly walked towards his brother, a tear running down his cheek unconsciously. Anna glared at him with her tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes.

"You…you caused all this! You…" She sobbed. Yoh couldn't believe what he was seeing. Anna was crying?

"Anna…i…it's…not…his…fault…." Hao said weakly, trying to calm her down.

Yoh looked away. Why?

"Yoh…" Hao said, motioning for him to come closer.

"Please…take…care…of Anna…for…for…me…please…take…care of….yourselves…Anna…"

"Yes?"

"It seems like I'd be go…going sooner…than expected…sayon--"

"HAO!"


	3. Acceptance?

**Chapter 3: Acceptance**

From a cave not far away, a small orange flame flickered, struggling to keep its light.

And then it was…. gone in a wisp of smoke.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do."

Anna broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. Yoh looked away. He couldn't bear the loss of his twin whom he once loathed and took for granted.

Anna placed her arms around Hao's dead body. She couldn't believe it.

"HAO'S NOT DEAD! He isn't! He's just…Hao!"

She screamed at the doctors who were about to take Hao to the morgue. Yoh couldn't take it. He held Anna back as the doctors carried Hao's body away. Anna glared at him.

"He's your brother! How can you stand this?" She started to cry again, beating her blood-covered fists at his chest.

Yoh couldn't bear to look at those eyes again. Those onyx eyes full of sadness.

He sighed. "I guess I have to break it to mom and dad." He thought, looking away.

Mikihisa and Keiko couldn't bear the loss of their first born. Keiko couldn't help crying as Yoh related the story.

"I should've died instead. I was the reason why he died." He said grimly, his face hidden in a shadow.

The couple looked at their son with surprise. Never has he been like that. He was always happy, cheerful, perky, but now is an exception.

"Yoh…don't blame yourself…it was an accident, dear..."

Anna sat beside him, still getting over the shock.

"It's all your…fault, you…stupid…he shouldn't be…" She sobbed.

Yoh couldn't look straight at them. It was just too…hard.

It was his fault. All his.

He should've died.

He should've been the one who was killed.

He should have heeded his brother.

But now…

She's crying.

And it's his fault.

Everything suddenly became quiet after Hao's death.

Anna barely spoke, and Yoh didn't even try.

Anna moved back to the inn, which became enveloped with a deathly silence. Yoh never talked to her, so engrossed in his guilt, fearing he'll make her cry again.

Yoh silently made his way out of the house. Dark clouds covered the sky, giving the late afternoon an eerie feel to it.  
A month had passed after Hao's death, and he still couldn't get himself to talk to her.

He placed a small rose on his brother's grave, hoping it would ease his guilt.

(this isn't a songfic, I added this since it fitted with the scene.)

Kazesasou kokage ni utsubusete naiteru  
Mi mo shiranu watashi wo watashi ga miteita  
Yuku hito no shirabe wo kanaderu GITAARA  
Konu hito no nageki ni hoshi ha ochite

A tear slid down Yoh's cheek as he kneeled on his brother's grave.  
He didn't know that it would affect all of them like this…  
If only he could turn back and change time…

Yukanaide, donna ni sakende mo  
ORENJI no hanabira shizuka ni yureru dake  
Yawarakana hitai ni nokosareta  
Te no hira no kioku haruka  
Tokoshie no sayonara tsuma hiku

He knew Hao could never come back…  
His spirit was gone…if only he was here…  
Even for a short while…  
If it makes Anna feel any better.

Yasashii te ni sugaru kodomo no kokoro wo  
Moesakaru kuruma ha furiharai susumu  
Yuku hito no nageki wo kanadete GITAARA  
Mune no ito hageshiku kakinarashite

He didn't want her to shed any more tears.  
He didn't want her to be pained because of his faults.  
He loved her too much.

Aa kanashimi ni somaranai shirosa de  
ORENJI no hanabira yureteta natsu no kage ni  
Yawarakana hitai wo nakushite mo  
Akaku someta suna haruka koete yuku  
Sayonara no RIZUMU

"Hao…I'm so sorry…" Yoh sobbed silently, his tightening fist on his knee. "I…I never…I didn't mean what I said…Hao…if I only…"

Yoh's next words were muffled by his sobs.  
Omoide wo yakitsukushite susumu daichi ni  
Natsukashiku me fuite yuku mono ga aru no

"I…I'd give anything….just to make her happy…I…I know I've been selfish and hurt many of my friends in the process…but…I don't want to see her cry again."

Yoh wiped his tears with his sleeve, but found it useless; tears streamed yet once again as he spoke.

"She…she's always crying…I know it's my fault…I…I know I shouldn't been selfish…I…I can't bear it…even though it's painful…"

A drop of rain fell on Yoh's cheek. Soon enough, water was pouring all over the shaman.

Akatsuki no kuruma wo miokutte  
ORENJI no hanabira yureteru ima mo dokoka  
Itsuka mita yasurakana yoake wo  
Mou ichido te ni suru made

But he didn't care.

He wanted it all to wash away, he wanted it all to go.

Kesanaide tomoshibi  
Kuruma ha mawaru yo

He took one final sigh and left.


	4. Boundless Hate?

**Chapter 4: Boundless Hate?**

Anna's eyes glared at Yoh as he walked back in the inn, dripping all over the wooden flooring.

But…this glare was different from the ones she gave him back when she trained him.

Her glares were full of…loathing and hate.

Yoh knew this…her glares were as cold as the arctic. But he didn't care. Why should he care? Something in him made him different. Made him colder. He wasn't sure what…or why, but he acted as if he cared for nothing.

The Yoh that loved Anna was no more. The crybaby who cried on his brother's grave. The hypocrite who still cared for Anna. The Yoh whom Hao had seen last was back.

Now, it's for real. No more caring, no more guilt.

"Suck it up. Hao is dead. _Dead_." He said in a very unfeeling tone as he walked up the stairs. Anna's tear-stained eyes widened.

"No…he…he isn't dead!!!" she shouted at him, her eyes brimming with tears; the dark circles under her eyes showing as the light shone on them.  
Yoh shifted his gaze to Anna, not moving his head.

"Accept it. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life. You've nowhere to go; you're lucky I even let you in _my_ house." He paused at bit, checking her from head to toe. He smirked. "_Why the tears,_ Anna? I'm the one who should be crying. After all, _you've rejected me before_." He continued, his voice sounding colder by the second. Anna was speechless. Yoh, satisfied with the effect of his words, continued upstairs and went in his room, leaving a crying Anna behind, her icy mask in pieces.

Yoh slumped on the floor with the door behind his back. He broke down into tears.  
"_Why the heck did I say those things??"_

Sorry for such a short chapter. I promise to make the later ones more interesting. xD


End file.
